Becoming a Father
A transformed role
Roles are changing for dads - 30 or 40 years ago it may have been taken for granted that the father was the breadwinner and head of the family. These days there's far less rigid expectations of a dad's responsibilities - couples often work together, both in and outside the home, and share responsibilites for day-to-day parenting issues. But even in the more traditional roles, the introduction of paternity leave and flexible work entitlements has provided greater opportunities for working dads to enjoy family time.
Balancing work and family
Employment has also changed and many parents now work longer hours with less job security, whether or not they’re the main breadwinner. Britons frequently spend more than 40 hours a week at work, exceeding the European average for working hours.
Young children won’t understand the stresses of your working day
The need to manage work pressures and the desire to participate fully in family life can be a difficult juggling act. Young children won’t understand the stresses of your working day. They’ll be eager to see you as soon as you get home and will need your time and attention, whatever you’re day's been like.
The evening routine
Set aside time each night to help with everyday tasks such as homework or getting ready for school the next day. Don’t forget playtime, but do slot it into the routine.
You and your kids may enjoy rough and tumble play, but try to keep it for the start of the evening. Hyping your kids up close to bedtime will not get them in the mood for sleep. Calm activities and bathtime can provide the closeness you and your children need as well as helping prepare them for bedtime.
Active participation
You may feel a little daunted about getting involved in some of your child’s activities outside the home, such as playgroup or the parent-teacher association. There are still more women than men taking part, but this is gradually changing. Do take the plunge and get involved - whether you're a trailblazer setting up your own group or joining other parents your child will benefit by your participation.
Did you know...
- Almost two-thirds of fathers are concerned about the emotional wellbeing and behaviour of their children but most don't get in touch with services to obtain the support they need. A major worry for fathers is the desire to improve family life and communication. (Parentline Plus Report 2004)
- When dads spend time talking with their sons about worries, school work and social lives, their boys grow up with greater confidence and motivation.
- Boys and girls whose fathers are involved in their education when they are age seven have higher educational attainment by age 20. (The Impact of Parental Involvement on Children’s Education, Department for Education and Skills 2003)
Good behaviour
In the past, the stereotype of mum warning, “Wait till your father gets home” showed who was supposed to be responsible for discipline in a family. This way of managing children has given way to a more positive approach to parenting in which the adult present, whether mum or dad, uses warmth, encouragement and praise to get the good behaviour they want and applies any consequences for unwanted behaviour straight away.
Teaching by example
For your children, you’re the most important male role model. They will be watching and copying you to learn how to behave. When they see you behaving in a sensitive and respectful way, they'll copy and understand this is how others should be treated.
Good communication with your partner is needed to ensure each of you supports the other with a consistent approach to your children. Put aside time to discuss what you both consider is wanted and unwanted behaviour, set the ground rules you expect the whole family to follow and agree some rewards and reasonable consequences.
Setting standards for all of you will work best. For example, if your family is trying to develop good eating habits by having meals at the table, problems arise if one adult still has their meal in front of the TV.
Fathers living away
If a relationship breaks up and you end up living apart from your children, maintaining contact can be challenging and at times distressing for both you and them. The majority of children want to continue to see their father and report losing contact as the worst aspect of their parents’ separation.
It's not unusual...
Twenty per cent of all dependent children live apart from their fathers (National Statistics 2003).
To make time with your children successful for all of you, both you and their other parent will need to cooperate and communicate clearly about visits. Make concrete arrangements about when and where you’ll see your children and then stick to these plans. If you're going to be early or late let the other parent know what's happening.
You don’t need to plan expensive trips or gifts. Your children will benefit most from time with you doing everyday activities such as going to the park, doing schoolwork together, visiting the pool or playing at your home. Boredom can be a problem when children are away from their everyday environment. Ask if they can bring one or two favourite toys with them or keep some games for them to make sure they have a variety of things to do.
When picking up or dropping children off, stick to calm discussions about contact. Keep more emotional subjects or disagreements for private conversations between you and you former partner.
Whether you live with your children or not, your warm, supportive relationship promotes your child’s development.
All content within MensHealthOnly.com is provided for general information only, and should not be treated as a substitute for the medical advice of your own doctor or any other health care professional. MensHealthOnly.com is not responsible or liable for any diagnosis made by a user based on the content of MensHealthOnly.com website.
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