Communication blocks
The main differences
One of the important differences is that women tend to articulate the process of their thinking and decision-making.
Men go through the same processes, but internally rather than externally. Men usually wait until they have the answer and then announce it. Women tend to talk about their internal analysis as they go along.
Within a relationship, this can cause problems because men often mistake women's deliberations as the final answer, while women think the man is not even considering the issue. That's why men often accuse women of changing their mind while women accuse men of not caring.
Ways around the male/female divide
There are a number of things you can do to ensure better communication.
- Make time. If you know you have a particular subject to discuss, put time aside to work your way through it. Give yourselves at least an hour and possibly longer so that there's time for the man to think things through and for the woman to talk about her responses.
- Spell it out. If you need space to think, rather than talk, tell your partner. Say: "I'm just thinking about what you've said." If there are long silences your partner may think you're bored or uninterested.
- Don't make assumptions. Check whether your partner's remarks are her final answer, or just a facet of her decision-making. Jumping to agree (or disagree) with the first thing she says can lead to great confusion because she knows it's probably not her ultimate choice.
- Allow time for a decision to settle in. This buys you space to decide if what you've come up with really hits the spot for both of you.
- Listen to each other with respect. If either of you jumps to conclusions or cuts across the other, they'll assume their feelings aren't being considered. This can lead to a cynicism that invades and destroys relationships.
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