Communication breakdown
When communication in a relationship breaks down it should be obvious, but many couples will endure a state of cold war for a long time before they realise.
Seven pointers to communication breakdown
Here's how to spot when you need to take action on the communication front.
1. It's the same old thing. You feel as if the same issues come round again and again. This means you're not dealing with the problems and you're probably ignoring them in the hope they'll go away. Chances are they won't.
2. You turn off. You find yourself mentally shutting off when your partner talks to you. You may find yourself thinking, “I've heard all this before.
3. You forget what you said. Your partner says you agreed to something you have no recollection of. This probably means you didn't listen and you said at some point for a quiet life.
4. You try to get away. You put distance between the two of you when your partner asks to talk. You may leave the room, switch on the TV or read the paper - all signs you fear being asked to take responsibility or make a commitment to something you want to avoid.
5. You avoid physical contact. Whole days can go by without you exchanging any real conversation. Affection may also seem in short supply, with little touching or kissing.
6. You can't make sense of things. A simple discussion quickly becomes confused and complicated, leaving you both feeling exhausted and unable to understand what you need to do next.
7. There's no resolution. You have frequent rows, often on the same subjects. No resolution is achieved and things get brushed under the carpet - until the next time, when they're dragged out to be fought over again.
What to do next
Review whether your relationship is over or whether you have something worth salvaging.
The Communication and conflict section includes helpful advice on subjects such as resolving issues, productive arguing and learning from your rows, as well as practical exercises to try. And there's more on those nagging relationship issues such as money, holidays and in-laws at Everyday grumbles.
If you can't work things out yourself, impartial advice might help. It could be worth considering counselling
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