Young men in particular, between the ages of 15 and 34, are becoming increasingly successful at ending their lives. Hanging and car exhaust fumes, which are unpleasant ways to go for the individual and those around then, are the exit routes most often chosen.
Who's at greater risk of suicide?
People who already have a mental health illness are at a greater risk of committing suicide. Depression especially is associated with a particularly high risk.
The teenage years can be difficult at the best of times. Emotional and physical development brings with it the turmoil associated with body changes and a desire for independence. Problems with drugs and alcohol, the law, and school, are common at this time in life and associated with a higher risk of overdose and subsequent suicide.
At the other end of the spectrum, for many people getting older brings much loss. Loved ones and friends pass on, ill-health and loss of independence are most common.
Look out for risk factors
We all feel down from time to time but most of us wouldn't think that things are so bad that life isn't worth continuing with. However, some things do put a person at greater risk of suicide and should be looked out for.
Having tried once someone is far more likely to try again, and be successful. One in ten teenagers who takes an overdose will kill themselves within a few years.
Living alone and feeling isolated, whether because of divorce, unemployment, or bereavement, often makes people question if 'life is worth living'. Suffering with a painful chronic illness that prevents someone getting on with their life or mental health illnesses such as severe depression, alcoholism or drug misuse, for example, should flag up the possibility that that person is more likely to consider suicide as a solution to their problems.
These are not exclusive and being able to tick one or more of these risk factors doesn't mean a person is definitely going to kill him or herself. Likewise, crossing them out doesn't mean everything's all right. It's just important to be aware, and prepared.
Offer a helping hand or listening ear
There are people who would argue that if somebody is intent on killing him or herself then there's little that any one of us can do to prevent it. To a degree this may be true, but it doesn't mean we should sit back and let them get on with it.
Get the person to talk about the way they're feeling, why they want to die, and just listen to them. There's no need to dive in with miraculous solutions to their problems, they probably won't work for them anyway. A person considering suicide needs support, understanding and to know that there's professional help available for them.
It's important that the person offering support knows that they're not alone in this too. It can be a frightening and worrying experience to go through.
Sometimes it may be difficult to see how things can get better, but things usually do. Time, with a little help, is a great healer.
This article was last medically reviewed by Dr Rob Hicks in May 2005.
First published in October 1997.
Suicide News:
Middle-Aged Female Never In Love - I am a 53 year old woman and, I guess, somewhat attractive (so some say). I still have a slim figure but am starting to look my age in my face. The problem is I've never, ever had a healthy love relationship with a man. I had some bad relationships in my teen years, no real boyfriend, though. I had a few brief sexual encounters in my very early twenties with two different men but they were never boyfriends or steady friends. They never took me out anywhere (in public) so I never could really call them "dates."
Since then, I had only been asked out twice but I wasn't interested in dating either man. At the age of 37 I was quite lonely and a man was attracted and attractive to me. It turned into a crummy short-term (two week) sexual affair because I was weak. Then I learned he was married and it made matters worse.
Another time, at age 41, I went out with a man who I wasn't really attracted to and went to a cafe and to a movie. I thought I'd give it a chance, thinking that I might find something about him to like. However, he was just like all the rest in assuming that I would just go with him to his place for "a night-cap",...yeah, right. I never even flirted with him or gave him any indication of wanting anything from him. I just wasn't into him at all, so I asked that he take me home.
After that I have never been asked out by ANY man. I've had some real bad actors flirt with me or try to come on to me, but was not impressed, so avoided them. I was very attracted to three men in my adult years and none of them were ever attracted to me at all... so I seem to want what I can't have. For some reason, I sometimes attract guys who are mentally challenged or have serious mental disorders of some sort, are married or are much older men, and they don't seem to have a problem approaching me.
I don't dress provocatively. I dress appropriately, with taste, and don't wear much makeup. So, I don't know why I attract bad apples in the first place.
Now I have been more open to the idea of dating but I'm not getting any younger. I realize that if hardly anyone found me attractive during my prime years, it is unlikely that they will now. It seems nearly impossible to find a decent, available man now.
I live in a city with over 3 million people and while I have been very social the last 2 or 3 years, no single men that I am attracted to have asked me out. One seems to like me, yet even he's backed off. The men here just do not ask.
Being rather old-fashioned myself, I will not ask a man out or make the first move. I also have been celibate for many years except for that 2 week affair. I do not want to go into any sexual relationship without genuine love and affection. I have never had those from a man whom I truely crave.
Seriously, I have not been kissed or held, even if it was only physical, in over 16 years. That said, I realize that I may be socially phobic in that I often clam up around men I find I am attracted to and feel like a teenager in that I get shy, anxious or nervous. But, I really think that it's because I just don't have any substantial experience in dating any man of good quality. I am currently going to activities in singles groups, so it's not as if I'm hybernating.
What can I do to become more sure of myself and more attractive to the right kind of man? Is it something in my past that prevents me from a good relationship? Would it have anything to do with losing my father who I never really knew at that age of 7? He did not live with me and my mother and he was not married to her. My mother also had a few failed relationships after my father died. She later married and he adopted me and my sister but I was not close to him at all. He later cheated on my mother and they eventually divorced.
In what way would these circumstances affect me at this late date? I know there are some good men out there but they always seem to belong to someone else or they are not interested in me.
She Doesn't Behave Like My Love Completes Her. - My fiancee has been divorced for 25 years and has been in and out of many relationships. All were ended by the men. She still is "friends" with most of these men and emails them occasionally. She always invites them to events and activities that we are going to attend. She has about 70 male friends and 15 female friends. One ex she talks with at least once every day on the phone. Invariably, we almost always run into one to several of these men. She drops our conversation and immediately gives them her full attention. She has admitted that her behavior is rude to me. She also likes talking to and meeting men when I am with her. Lately, when she talks to me, she doesn't pay attention and tunes me out by looking at some object or something else that is going on around us. When she does talk to me she usually looks off to my side and hardly ever in my eyes anymore. I have talked with 6 different women about this problem and everyone of them has advised me to break the engagement and leave her. Your opinion would be appreciated. Help
My Fiance May Have a Sexual, Nude Photo Addiction - Our second year of dating he was left alone with my best friend and her boyfriend's computer, not long after I discovered a secret email account he had created to email himself nude photos of my best friend stolen from their computer. I found this because he was stupid and left the password saved on my computer so when I went to log into my own email I was already in his secret account. I confronted him, and proceeded to break up with him, but he begged and promised, so we remained. As part of our rehabilitation as a couple, I asked him to produce any other pornographic images hidden in either my or his computer. And he did willingly. I admitted that my concern wasn't idle use of internet derived pornographic images from such intended websites, but the fact that he stole images from our friends and used them for his own sexual needs. Of course promises poured forth.
Over time he began to blame me for the need of such images and his desire for my friend, by stating I was overweight, unattractive, and our sex life was unsatisfactory. Always afterward he would apologize and make a strong effort to save our relationship. We began planning our wedding when I thought this had been put behind us. My friend had been made aware of the past incident, and all had been forgiven as childish behavior on his part.
Concerned for me and unknown to me, my friend retrieved from his computer images well hidden. These folders consisted of images of her and her same boyfriend in sexual context, many very recent. Even images and videos of her boyfriend alone sexually posed. Images of porn from the internet, etc. And finally, lingerie images he stole from my cousin's computer when we house sat while she went away on her honeymoon. My friend hadn't reported the discovery to me until recently. During this time, he and I fought constantly over my jealousy, lack of self-esteem, depression symptoms, and depression treatment. His stance consisted of being unable to cope with my mental illness. We broke up, but remain living together due to lease and financial obligations.
My friend reported the discovery to me last night. He still lives with me. His secretive and reclusive behavior makes sense after this discovery. His inability to trust me, and to communicate also makes sense. I cannot understand his need to steal images of our friends and my family for his own sexual desires. In addition, there were photos of his exposing himself in different situations when we were all together, unknown to any of us.
I am concerned that this is beyond a strong sexual desire for pornographic images. I don't know if this is all used for masturbation, but many images show artistic rendering and collages of nudity he made. Is it an obsession with nudity and the thrill of stealing? We are no longer romantically or intimately involved, but I am concerned for him since I care about him still. He needs help.
Infections and The Brain - I have never been diagnosed with a mental condition and they do not run in the family, as far as I know. I periodically have random bad thoughts. For example, I will worry that family members or pets are dying or being killed. After these thoughts go on for awhile, I end up in the doctor's office because I am physically not feeling well. The result is that the doctor finds an infection. A general infection is discovered by a blood test and I develop ear infections. Could these infections be affecting my brain? Do I need to see a neurologist to figure this out? Thank you!
Is This Abuse and What Should I Do? - I am 23 years old and have an unusual problem. Ever since I was a child my younger brother, he's a year younger than me, has problems with exposing himself. On a regular basis he would stick his penis out of his pants and often masturbate behind me while I was not looking. I would yell and throw things at him but he would run away and return just when I turned my back. Many times he would do this in public. This situation became increasingly worse in that he would stick out his penis out try to rub up against me when I wasn't expecting it. For example, if I were standing next to my mother in the kitchen, he would do this. A few years ago he attempted to drug me while no one was home. I had to lock myself in a room and wait for someone to come home.
This behavior has stopped several years ago. I had moved away to college but unfortunately had to move back. Yesterday while only my brother and I were home he seemed a bit odd and wanted to be in my company. He said he wanted to make food and I tried to help him when I noticed that his penis was sticking out of his pants. I feel like this entire situation is starting over again. I don't feel comfortable doing anything in my house and refuse to be alone with him even for a second.
What should I do? Am I in danger? I have seen a therapist and she suggested that I stay away from my house. If I move out how do I explain these radical changes in my life (I planned on staying home for a year while I apply to medical school)? How can anyone understand, especially my boyfriend. This is a horrible situation I'm in. It doesn't sound like abuse but what is it?
My Girlfriend's Family Is Ruining Our Relationship - My girlfriend is 23 years old and has been through a lot in life. We have been together for 11 months now and everything has been pretty amazing. We never really have fights about us or our relationship. Instead, its always about something else going on. I feel like she is a modern day Cinderella with the way her family treats her. Her mother always depends on her. I feel like she is the only one in the house who ever does anything. She is always cleaning up after her mother and her mother's boyfriend. Her mom is in her early 60s and works part time, comes home from work and does nothing. Her mother rarely cooks and is usually too busy on the computer playing games to clean the house. Her mother,s boyfriend is around the same age, early 60s, and goes to work full time. Then, he supposedly sits at the local bar all night and comes home trashed and passes out on the sofa. My girlfriend is the only one who really takes time out to clean the house. If she waits for someone else to do it, garbage bags will get piled up for a week and smell up the whole apartment.
My girl was very depressed for a few months with the loss of a friend and since then has been getting better. When she is out everything is ok and she's normal and happy go lucky. When she's home or with her mother and her sister, shes becomes more and more depressed. She doesn't say anything to them about what's going on. She vents to me and when I try to say something about it she is ready to rip my head off because that's her family.
Her family depends on her way too much. Her sister is 40 years old, divorced and with a 5 year old child and a new boyfriend. When her sister wants to go out with the boyfriend she has the mother babysit who in turn gives the guilt trip to my girlfriend that she's too tired or stuck at work. My girlfriend feels guilty and drops what she is doing in order to babysit.
We are in a huge fight right now because of her sister and mother making rude comments and getting involved with our relationship.
What can I do or say to get my girlfriend to listen to how I feel about the situation and how I feel that her family treats her, without her getting mad and walking out like she has been doing? I love her and I used to love her family until I saw what they were doing to her and how they were adding to her depression. Please help I love her with all my heart and I don't want to lose her due to what her family is putting us through.
Please Help Me! - Hi Dr. Schwartz,
I have had relationship problems all of my life and I have finally realized that there is something wrong with me emotionally. I had a troubling childhood. My mother was an alcoholic when I was very young (before the age of 8 or 9) and became a heavy opiate drug user after that. She has been in and out of jail & rehab and attempted suicide quite a few times.
My mother did remarry after my father and her split up shortly after I was born. She had a daughter and to this day (I am 26) my mom treats me as if I am the "red-headed step child" and my sister is perfect. My mother would hit me but not my sister, when I was little.
My father on the other hand has been in and out of my life. He, too, remarried and started a new family. I always felt that I was treated as an outsider. He now will do any drug he can get his hands on.
I have been emotionally shut down for all of my life. When I received the news that my mother attempted suicide, was arrested or started using again, I would never cry or act out. I would just "get on with my life" and try forgetting about it. Everyone in my family would be crying and I never would. I wasn't fighting back tears. I just couldn't cry about it. I would just get quiet.
As I have gotten older, I have realized how much this has affected me. I went to a slew of different types of therapists, counselors and psychiatrists. NOTHING HELPS! I thought that I would get over it on my own and be the person I know I should be. I have never been able to hold onto a relationship for more than 2 years. I either end up finding some sort of flaw with the person I am dating and breaking up with the them, or ruin the relationship so that they would leave me. I find it difficult to express my feelings. Instead of crying, I will have explosive fits of anger. I had gone for years without a fit of anger then, out of no where, it comes out. If someone hurts me, instead of crying or telling the person what they said or did to hurt me, I flip out, say hurtful things and cut the person out of my life.
I do NOT want to live this way forever. I want to have a great relationship and be happy. I just dont know what to do anymore. Any help or advice you could provide would be greatly appreciated! Thanks!
Should I Be Hopeful That He Will Change His Mind About Divorce? - I'm in shock. After 11 months of marriage my husband told me he wants a divorce. He told me on a Monday night and Tuesday he called to tell me he contacted an attorney and that I would be getting a letter.
I was so clueless. He was acting depressed over the last few weeks and definitely less affectionate. Yet, he was still kissing me good bye in the morning and calling me "babe."
When I asked him what was going on he said he went to see a therapist. He said he wasn't sure if it was his family, friends, work or us that was making him sad. We did have some arguements over minor things but no knock out, drag out fights. I relocated to his state so I would be the one most affected in terms of moving, etc. I told him I wanted to fight for our relationship. He said he is not confident that counseling would help and he doesn't want to take that step.
What I am blown away by is the fact that he had seen an attorney weeks before and just pretended to live life normally. The weekend prior, we went running together, and to dinner and the movies. Things were tense but never did I think things were that bad. I never knew he was considering divorce nor did he ever express to me that he was so upset with us that he might take this action. He asked me why I couldn't you tell something was wrong, as if I am a mind reader.
He never gave me the opportunity to fix anything that might be affecting the way he was feeling. It really is so frustrating. Why he is rushing this confuses me too. I thought we were a terrific couple and everyone that knows us is in shock too. I have removed myself from the house after trying to convince him we should seek professional help. I am hoping that the space might change his mind.
Should I think this way or move on?
How To Help My Son - My son is 20 years old and lives at home. He and his girlfriend are having a child in September. As a child he was diagnosed with ADHD/ODD. As an adult I'm concerned he may be Bipolar. He is prone to violent outbursts. When this happens he destroys things. He has destroyed furniture, walls doors... Lately it has become an every day thing. Some small little thing triggers him every morning and he starts smashing things and threatening to kill himself. When the anger has subsided an hour later he is fine. I know he needs therapy and medication but doesn't have any insurance. I make too much money to get assistance but not enough to be able to afford putting him on mine. How can I get him help. I feel like I'm falling apart. It is killing me to see him this way, to say nothing about him destroying half of my house.
Is It Him Who Is Too Hard To Trust Or Is It Me? - A little background:
I'm a strong, independant woman. I'm friendly and engaging, but I have a very thick wall. I've gotten this way because as a little girl I was unable to depend on my parents for protection and comfort and concluded I could only count on myself. I've had many relationships, but I've always ended them because I just didn't feel they were "it."
About a year ago I met a guy who was everything I wanted. He lived a few hours from me so we exchanged numbers and after a few phone calls he admitted to me that he was married. I had always had strong morals about this situation but I was unable to hold them up in this situation. We began dating, and I told him I couldn't continue it and he would have to choose. Within a month he had filed divorce and we seriously pursued our relationship. I fell deeply in love and let him all the way in my walls, no holds barred. I knew he looked at porn, and I understood that we were far apart and, as he said, he wouldn't need it as much once we lived together. I was under the assumption that this meant we'd have more sex than he looked at porn, but, apparently not.
I told him I was fine with porn as long as it didn't effect our sex life and even offered to watch it together. However, he's been looking at it in secret almost every day since we moved in together over a month ago. To top it off, he told me several months into our relationship that I was not the first woman he had cheated with his wife on, as he had led me to believe. In fact, he had been cheating on her almost as long as they had been together, whenever he had the opportunity.
He's done a lot to prove how he feels for me, from divorcing his wife to moving here to live with me, and I don't doubt his feelings for me now. However, I can't help finding things to worry about, from him cheating on me too, to his continued (and possibly escalating) use of pornography leading to worse activities or a denegration of our sex life.
The main question is, do I have cause for concern, or am I being crazy and maybe causing problems?
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